it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
