If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
