Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
