He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
