we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
