maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
