he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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