This is not my ceiling
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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