I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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