this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
