3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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