Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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