dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
