this beer tastes like vomit already
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
