i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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