It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
