I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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