At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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