i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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