he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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