I hate your face
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
