i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Are we still banned from the library?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
