so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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