just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
