I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
