It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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