He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it because I queefed?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
