i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i was born a porn star she said
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
