just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
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I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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