we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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