I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
