My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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