Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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