Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
