so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
