as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
