I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
