Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i need some magic done to my vagina
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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