sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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