good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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