Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
