it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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