great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
