we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
