yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
