I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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