you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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