Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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