he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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