I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I cannot find my penis.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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