this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
