how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got inside last night via doggy door
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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