he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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