Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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