pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
