One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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