even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
