Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
