Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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