I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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