I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
